Thursday Thread: Welcome to The Palm Royale... What makes you feel like you truly belong?
Kristen Wiig pulls out all the stops to get over her imposter syndrome, even with people who can't stand her š but when it's Carol Burnett? Whoa, Nelly.
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Hello, Lovelies,
So, Iām watching Palm Royale, and I wonāt lie, itās already leaps and bounds better than The Swans, primarily because of its story structure, quick exposition, pure focus on the 1969 crisis in American feminine ideals, and its comedic audacity. The opening titles and music sequence alone are worthy of Oscars, but the larger theme of how far we go to belong is the crux of this weekās thread.
I had never felt an overwhelming need to fit in or ābelongā until my divorce demanded that I be the one responsible for keeping us in a small, but adorable house with a fairy-lit secret garden near the beach. I didnāt want them to have to grow up in some crappy apartmentāI just wanted more for them. And I wasnāt going to be defeated. I relish the notion that we can reinvent ourselves at any moment in our lives.
Back then, I found myself so regularly pummeled into submission by my bosses with no other option than to simply deliverāeven if meant going to crazy lengths. If I got a text at midnight from my boss saying he needed a rewrite by 2 amā¦ By golly, Iād do itāto keep us going. If I needed to attend all the conferences and upfronts, Iād be there with enough SWAG to equip a freakinā army. Our lives depended on my ābelongingāā¦ I only WISH it had been about mere dress up. I LOVE dressing up. Instead, I was leaping across conference room tables with thumb drives loaded with last-minute trailers and 11th-hour pitches. You could hear the popping of the buttons on my no-iron slim-fit Brooks Brothers shirts from Paramount all the way to Santa Monica.
When I was diagnosed at age 40, I was immediately canceled from the work world. Last week, I was told I didnāt have enough credibility (???) to publish a book on midlife women trying to regain their voices, hell their powerā¦ but this is the risk-averse world of publishing these days. I was also advised by another editor that for my other novel to ābelongā āthatās code for it to sellāI have to recast the Teddy character as a Delroy Lindo-typeā¦ I actually love this idea as it adds new dimensions I hadnāt considered. But thereās so much energy spent on ābelongingā that you could miss out on life entirely.
Why do we seek belonging? Or validating connection? Itās not just because weāre freaked-out, single mother people pleasers.
Neuroscience suggests that we are neurologically wired to connect with others; mirror neurons in our brains are stimulated when we're interacting with other people.
I asked myself when was the last time I felt like I truly belonged. It was last weekā¦ I was on a work Zoom with 2 other women and all of us were laughing and having simultaneous hot flashes and turning pink in unisonā¦ See, Iām this personā¦ if Iām at the airport and I donāt want to talk to my seatmate and they ask me what I doā¦ I lie and tell them, āIām an Actuarialist,ā and that shuts them up tout de suite. I donāt need to belong, but when I do for real, it means a lot.
So, when was the last time you felt like you belonged? Or have you ever had to pull a Palm Royale imposter-style stunt to get your foot in the doorā¦ Did it work? Did chaos ensue? Or were you unmasked in the end like a Scooby Doo villain?
I look forward to your thoughts and tales. It is lovely getting older and not caring so much about oneās inclusion. Until next timeā¦ Iāll be your sponsor!
š¤š¤š¤ - xoxo - gotham girl
I am SO excited to watch this show. Carol Burnett? Sign me up.
It's been awhile since I felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I've given up trying to belong. At least I think I have? I'm looking to re-enter the working world, so perhaps my skills of trying to belong will resurface. Actually, they likely have already as I try to think of how my 'online' presence, or lack thereof will be perceived. Jury is still out, but I'll see how it goes over the coming weeks. This will be an experiment for me. Let's see if I can belong in the workforce again? Hmmmmm. I hope so. I really did love working when it wasn't killing me.
This introvert spent the better part of her life trying to fit-in and belong, only to (finally) relax into my quite solitary existence. Not trying to get all poetic here, but thereās a belonging I feel living in the middle of nowhere with no one but my husband, animals and big big trees that I never felt in a tribe of humans. That said, I do have a warm sense of belonging with all the misfits over here on Substack and also my expanding community of unfixed film subjects over the years but that feels less like belonging and more like synchronized swimming. š