Thursday Thread: The Surprise Witness in Blake & Justin's Courtroom Dramedy! 😂

Who would you choose? What shocking evidence would they reveal?

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Hello, Lovelies, how are you?

When I grow weary of the same tired tabloid tales, I like to twist them until they verge on Weekly World News absurdity. Remember that cheeky tabloid—the black-and-white paper that lurked at the supermarket checkout in the late '70s, just a notch below The Enquirer? Their headlines featured everything from a hapless Nebraska farmer abducted (and, yes, anally probed) by alien tadpoles, to “Bat Child Found in Cave,” and “I Was Bigfoot’s Love Slave.”

So, why not take another overcooked celebrity saga, like the one with Blake and Justin, and give it a fresh spin?

Picture Blake Lively’s magazine showdown transformed into a high-stakes courtroom dramedy. Who’d be the surprise witness to upend the narrative, and what twist would leave us all in stitches?

I’m thinking Leslie Jones makes a dazzling entrance—twice over—as a double agent. Being called for both sides.

In the midst of shooting her own project, Leslie’s been caught in scandalous, secret dueling affairs with both Blake and Justin. It’s the inadvertent throuple no one had on their pop culture bingo card for 2025. And, as if that weren’t enough, she holds undeniable, unimpeachable video evidence proving that both parties are equally culpable jerkwads!

Or maybe… she has completely damning evidence that Justin and his jerky PR firm were actually out for a hit job so that #metoo isn’t completely trivialized for all of the women who don’t have the resources to pursue these kinds of complaints. (Wow, I sound like such an earnest millennial there. I practically sound like Andrew Garfield, and I’m so not. I’m old. And a woman.)

Now, who would you choose? Liza Minnelli? Kanye? Dolly Parton? The Cheeto? Maybe someone in musical theater? Surprise witnesses are the best!

Yours in absurdity - xoxo - gotham girl

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PS - I am a human typo. Amnesty appreciated.