Thursday Thread: "Valentine’s Day, Bad Love Advice, and My Inner Larry David"
Ah, love! 😂
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Hello, lovelies—
So, I know it’s a bit twee… but I like to celebrate all the holidays. Seriously, I would have celebrated Arbor Day if my kids hadn’t been so irritated by it.
Saint Valentine is the patron saint of love, happy marriages, beekeepers, epilepsy, and (ahem) plague. Lol. Mostly, my kids were in it for the loot. Me, I have always been in love with love.
And tomorrow, we celebrate love in all its forms, which has me thinking about the love advice I’ve received over the years: the good, the bad, and the wildly unhinged. For context, I consider myself largely undateable—basically Larry David with better hair and fewer cardigans. I’d rather do jury duty than “put myself out there,” and the thought of ever crossing a fellow sister for a man? Hard pass.
But let’s have some fun: If you could go back in time and give one celebrity a piece of unsolicited advice—romantic, career-related, or otherwise—who would it be, and what would you say?
Would you whisper, “Winona, just buy the sweater” as she hovered at Saks? Caution Leo with a stern “Buddy, the vape isn’t as cool as you think it is”? Or maybe you’d pull Adele aside and say, “Trust me—‘Easy on Me’ will hit harder if you lose the parrot-on-the-shoulder blazer.” Or “Yoko, please, please, please don’t Yoko The Beatles!”
My advice would be… Ben Affleck, you dumb, horny doofus. You were so goddamned lucky to get a badass wife like Jennifer Garner! Get over yourself, stay with her, and direct more films like Argo! Don’t waste $25 million on a silly, needless wedding and break another midlife woman’s heart, you dumb, horny doofus.
Share your best celebrity advice below. And who knows? Maybe the fates & furies are reading.
Yours in wicked candy hearts - xoxo - gotham girl
Quoted
If you are like most people, then like most people, you don't know you're like most people. ― Daniel Gilbert
PS - I am a human typo. Amnesty appreciated.
Lindsey Buckingham, you were out of your league when you were with Stevie. You should have never let her go.
I just finished watching KAOS, so I actually understand your reference to the fates & furies! lol. Half the time, those go right over my head as I am not a film or TV buff, but huzzah! I got this one!!
Mine would be Brad Pitt. You dumb, horny dufus....etc etc. I think it would've saved us all a lot of heart ache if he didn't succumb to the wiley charms of Angelina Jolie. I remember when I heard he was going to be starring in a movie with her. I literally said, "uh oh." I'm sure a million people saw that one coming a mile away. Karma's a b*tch.