23 Comments
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Kimberly Warner's avatar

My mom’s friend tried to take a dildo (affectionately named Purple Pinto) through security and a TSA agent decided to hold it up high, wave it around a bit and ask the owner to identify themselves. I suppose she could’ve denied it, but no, there’s nothing cooler than a 75 year old woman staking her claim on a purple pinto.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Okay, that is fantastic! I love it. All hail the Purple Pinto! 🍆 Excellent branding!

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Weston Parker's avatar

You are the bomb and just plain funny.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Aww, thanks. I take that as the highest praise, Weston :)

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Hilary Hattenbach's avatar

🤣”Group Nine Million” and “Make even jazz musicians say too chaotic!” You made me guffaw and I do feel better now. Thank you!! Congratulations on the start of production and the good tariff news. I’m here for the good news. I’m also eating bread and See’s candy to stay sane. In other news, I wore my Empress Editions Make F*cking Way tee the other day and that cheered me up too.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Oh, how I miss SO See's candy! The Factory! So many choices! I'm glad to make you guffaw. I loved seeing that little coyote on your backyard camera the other day. It was a deep, if momentary, reminder of survival and tenderness amid the fires. Thank you for wearing your Empress tee :)... I swear, it's universal juju that keeps us going. We are getting so many amazing submissions. I want us to publish them all. 💛📚👑

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Jackie (she/her)'s avatar

"And no, we’re not bringing manufacturing back. No one wants to make shirts anymore (unless they’re bespoke). No one wants to sweat in a blast furnace. And no CEO is rebuilding a factory just so it can be demolished again the next time someone gets ‘yippy’ on Truth Social." THIS. As someone who works for a company who produces goods in China, I'm very afraid for the future of my job. We've tried to make our products in the US and no companies want to do it. Need all the feel good stuff I can get right now for sure so thanks for sharing. The vibrator story is pure gold too.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

"We've tried to make our products in the US and no companies want to do it." -- This is how it is with our books! Meanwhile, our Chinese partners make it possible for us to stay in business (and they're nice, lol). Crossing everything on my person for you and your job. And yeah, the vibrator, so ridiculous. xo

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Alicia Dara's avatar

Look, trust me: there are no yips that this fucking thing can't cure. Every time I watch it I leap from my chair and howl like a fucking queen, and I dare anyone not to do the same: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTaXtWWR16A

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

100% agree! Such a goddess! And one of the best dance videos ever made!

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Mark Kureishy's avatar

Nile Rodgers always makes me feel better!

As do your words, Alisa!

Thanks!

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Thanks, Mark. That means a lot. And Niles, reminiscing in that clip, just gives me the chills. His playing is such a gift!

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Peter Maguire's avatar

The Chinese memes about the US have been pretty funny. Much better than the Truth Social ALL CAPS screeds. Orange Cartman needs to up his meme game.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Oh wow, Peter! I didn't even think of that! They have to be HYSTERICAL. Okay, that's going to be this week's gotham girl homework. Track down & translate the best Chinese memes. Lordt, I am a Tracy Flick of ridiculousness. 😂

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Susan OBrien's avatar

You are just the most amazing fun. So glad I found you. Rock on.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Hi Susan! So lovely to meet you! So glad you are here.💛

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<Mary L. Tabor>'s avatar

Loved The Big Short! Great photo from that flick. And as to tariffs: they and that guy have me snippy, yippy, and crazy ... Great post! Terrific allusion to another time when the worst of the best of us took advantage and assumed we were all stupid about mortgages--and some of the best of us got caught in that debacle when Obama managed to save economy that was diving--and he did it at some cost. What's happening now comes at a cost but the only winners are that guy and his cronies! Ranting here...

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Ohhhhh, Mary. I hear you and feel on the rant! I just worry so much for ordinary people's safety and security... A lifetime ago, before he was Obama's economic advisor, Austan Goolsbee would come over to our house for dinner and explain these machinations to me, a mere film grad and writer, quite out of my depth in finance topics, and I just feel like we need him back or someone like him. Le sigh. xoxo

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Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

Vibrator thru TSA is hilarious!! We need a video of this! I hope you pulled it out loud and proud, held it up for the Disneylandish-lines to see!

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Oh, my dear! I'm sure there is cc footage of my completely gawping expression. I was simply beside myself! Words escaped me! Before I could even utter the words "sex wand," the gate agent had scurried away with my hazardous bag. The thing is, I rarely take a roller bag on board these days b/c I hurt my shoulder badly over the holidays, but this was such a quick trip--I just wanted to be back in Cambridge. We have all these romance bookstores that we need to work with for our different books--and it's so exciting to see women engaging with the stories. All I can say is thank goodness for this new Grace Kelly haircut. It makes me look like such a benign mom. TSA often just waves me through. Phew!

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Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

So will there be a raffle? Buy an Empress Edition and be entered to win a fabulous personal toy.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

Yes! There is a very sleek (strategic) toy offering in the $500 gift bag we are giving away at launch on the heels of National Vagina Appreciation Day on 6/24 :)

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Julie Fedeli's avatar

So LOVED having you with us in Chicago! And those bags - “reckless abandon” for sure. Happy the plusOne vibe passed TSA inspection!

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