How you move me, along with Kimberly (still reading to write deeply felt comment) and here to tell you again how you take me through the worst, make me laugh, save me when no one, except D., will even think to do so. Here's to you: The heart and soul of Empress Editions!!!!
Oh, Mary, thank you! I do believe I am cursed! The moment I hit send is the moment a glaring typo sneaks in to foil it all. My eyeballs seem to skip right over them. Praise be to copyeditors... I only wish I lived with one! 😂
This! 😂 “…self-loathing white guys having existential crises in architecturally significant kitchens while their emotionally volatile porn sidepieces threaten to burn it all to the ground.”
Sounds like you said what needed to be said.
Great material 💜 and I sincerely hope a women-run production/film company picks you up.
Oof. And also wtf. I read Kimberly's essay today. Wow, it was so loaded I didnt even have words to comment and felt bad that all I could do was heart it to know it was read. Some days my words absolutely fail me and all I can do is nod along and feel the words hit my soul.
Ghaaaagh! You are hilarious! But holy cats! You are just now making me remember his receding gum line! I remember thinking, “Huh, is there no plastic surgery for gums out here? You’d think that would be a thing?” I am clearly not up on the latest in dental cosmetics. But, hey, another lesson in life! Use a water flosser, people! 😂
Oh Alysa Kennedy Jones. How you grab me by the collar and shake me as you tell me your tales of meetings with old, white men. I giggle, I snort with laughter, I cringe, I die a little inside right along with you. You are one of a kind and I hope one day someone, ICON or not, sees it and puts it on screens for everyone to enjoy. Sending lots of love from Canada. Xo
Honestly, if I can make people laugh, cringe, and feel slightly emotionally endangered all at once, then I feel I’ve done my job.
And truly, there is something so comforting about knowing other women immediately recognize these rooms, these dynamics, these absurd power plays, and the sheer surrealism of trying to survive them with your sense of humor intact. Thank you for reading with so much heart. Sending lots of love right back to you and the fam in Canada. xo
Hoo boy is an understatement! And the audacity! That long walk post-trauma must’ve witnessed quite a cascading and eventual settling flood of emotions. I’m really sorry this happened to you, and I’m sorry that there are cruel, powerful people out there who toy with people’s dreams. Your zooming out powers no doubt are a superpower and a lifeline. I heard John Mulaney doesn’t laugh when something funny happens because he’s already jotting it down in his brain as material. That’s what the greats do, they embody this whole catastrophe of living while simultaneously viewing it from 10,000 ft altitude, assessing it from all angles so when the rest of us meet similar, greening emotions, we feel seen, we feel less alone. That’s your gift. ❤️
Ohhh, my dear, I suspect this exact tale has happened to heaps of writers and artists... all just trying to survive long enough to make something meaningful out of the chaos. I’ve been told the “zoom out to 10k ft” instinct is a learned act of early self-rescue from kidhood. Pretty sure mine traces back to sprinting home barefoot through woods full of bears at age four like some tiny feral squirrel with a fear of sleepovers. 😂 ❤️
I went through some similar shit in the music biz, and I can say that I did NOT handle it with as much grace and humor as you did! Inspirational and a great reminder to lighten the fuck up, because good work will prevail. PS: "Emotionally volatile porn side pieces" is basically a category of Goop clothing now ;)
Ghaaagh!!! Cackling at the Goop clothing category! I can actually see Gwyneth speaking the words in hushed tones straight to the camera in her "dappled in sunlight," architecturally significant kitchen... Lol. And the music industry has to be just bonkers. I don't know how anyone manages. Hoo boy! 😂
Amazing story! I love how quick your turn-around was. That’s badass! Thanks for the laugh, especially the architecturally significant kitchens and the ankle facials. 😂
Oh my god I think I love you Alisa. I am sorry for the pores in your arsehole and I hope someone gave Virgil a puffer, but for all that this must have been excruciating to experience, my god I enjoyed reading it.
Oh, Emily!!! I love YOU for even reading about the silly pores in my arsehole! 😂
Hollywood IS excruciating—I would never recommend it to any sensitive soul who likes to bake, knit, or read. Just let them option your book, run very far away, and write another one quickly!
I will do my best not to be seduced, my own perimenopausal ankles that have swollen up like startled puffer fish in this early heart wave we’re having in the UK, would die of shame!
Oh, gosh! I had those very same ankles on a set, and everyone could see them! I called them my Miss Piggy ankles, and I wanted to run away to the country and hide in shame. Then ten years later, capris were mine again! It will happen! 😂
Special place in hell for those types. They were the ones who pulled legs off ants and shot cats with BB guns when they were little and no one punished them. You rock, girl, and keep writing! If that ass doesn’t like you, someone else will.
Oh. My. God. Squared. Cubed. Whatever's bigger than cubed.
At first, because, who hasn't accidentally sent the email to the wrong person? Or the text? Or someone overheard you because you butt dialled their number and now they know the intimate details of your conversation with your gyno?
But that he did it ON PURPOSE? Why of COURSE he did!
And that, Charlie Brown, is the true story of how men rule the world by fucking over women whenever they get the chance.
Sigh.
P.S. I'd cast Emma Stone. She can pull off funny and dark :)
Quite a serendipitous (and entertaining) pairing with Kimberly's observations and a re-affirmation that without a sense of humor we are all fairly well screwed!
Omg- you are so, so funny. Just such a great scene- “you are nothing!” Ha! Love your writing! The hair pencil, the awareness of the absurdity of it all! I was a runner up for a Disney Fellowship (comedy) and was told they would call for a very important interview. I answered my phone and heard, “What are you wearing?” And froze. Nothing funny or spontaneous or remotely human issued from my mouth. Needless to say, I was not chosen. You should have your own studio.
Oh my goodness, Molly! First: holy cats. Coming from you, that’s such an honor. Thank you!
I never get to be funny anymore because I’m usually wandering around worrying about all our authors and their books like an exhausted Victorian governess. It’s honestly a joy to actually write a story again.
And I didn’t even know there was a Disney Comedy Fellowship... though, if we’re being honest, they’re not exactly batting a thousand over there in the comedy department lately. I’m certain I would completely freeze on that call.
“What are you wearing?”
Excuse me, sir? What kind of deeply unsettling corporate HR violation question is this?? I’m wearing my work pajamas, thank you very much. And holding a pencil for authority. 😂
Also, OMG, I could never run my own studio. I simply do not have the ankles for executive leadership!
How you move me, along with Kimberly (still reading to write deeply felt comment) and here to tell you again how you take me through the worst, make me laugh, save me when no one, except D., will even think to do so. Here's to you: The heart and soul of Empress Editions!!!!
Oh, Mary, thank you! I do believe I am cursed! The moment I hit send is the moment a glaring typo sneaks in to foil it all. My eyeballs seem to skip right over them. Praise be to copyeditors... I only wish I lived with one! 😂
This! 😂 “…self-loathing white guys having existential crises in architecturally significant kitchens while their emotionally volatile porn sidepieces threaten to burn it all to the ground.”
Sounds like you said what needed to be said.
Great material 💜 and I sincerely hope a women-run production/film company picks you up.
Oof. And also wtf. I read Kimberly's essay today. Wow, it was so loaded I didnt even have words to comment and felt bad that all I could do was heart it to know it was read. Some days my words absolutely fail me and all I can do is nod along and feel the words hit my soul.
Yours and hers both hitting me today.
She’s amazing. Breaking through on so many levels.💜
This was f*ing brilliant. I should be sleeping. I am so glad I'm not. I'm snort laughing and snapping at your crackle. Thank you, ma'am.
Brilliant. I was right there with you. I saw those tan, botoxed ankles. That icon probably has halitosis and machine gun farts.
You are the spark that ignites a beautiful bonfire of creativity. 👏💐❤️
Ghaaaagh! You are hilarious! But holy cats! You are just now making me remember his receding gum line! I remember thinking, “Huh, is there no plastic surgery for gums out here? You’d think that would be a thing?” I am clearly not up on the latest in dental cosmetics. But, hey, another lesson in life! Use a water flosser, people! 😂
LMAO. His dentist never went thru the periodontal charting. Yes I googled the name of that 1-4 countdown.
😂😂😂😂
Oh Alysa Kennedy Jones. How you grab me by the collar and shake me as you tell me your tales of meetings with old, white men. I giggle, I snort with laughter, I cringe, I die a little inside right along with you. You are one of a kind and I hope one day someone, ICON or not, sees it and puts it on screens for everyone to enjoy. Sending lots of love from Canada. Xo
Ohhh, Kim, this is so lovely. Thank you.
Honestly, if I can make people laugh, cringe, and feel slightly emotionally endangered all at once, then I feel I’ve done my job.
And truly, there is something so comforting about knowing other women immediately recognize these rooms, these dynamics, these absurd power plays, and the sheer surrealism of trying to survive them with your sense of humor intact. Thank you for reading with so much heart. Sending lots of love right back to you and the fam in Canada. xo
Hoo boy is an understatement! And the audacity! That long walk post-trauma must’ve witnessed quite a cascading and eventual settling flood of emotions. I’m really sorry this happened to you, and I’m sorry that there are cruel, powerful people out there who toy with people’s dreams. Your zooming out powers no doubt are a superpower and a lifeline. I heard John Mulaney doesn’t laugh when something funny happens because he’s already jotting it down in his brain as material. That’s what the greats do, they embody this whole catastrophe of living while simultaneously viewing it from 10,000 ft altitude, assessing it from all angles so when the rest of us meet similar, greening emotions, we feel seen, we feel less alone. That’s your gift. ❤️
Ohhh, my dear, I suspect this exact tale has happened to heaps of writers and artists... all just trying to survive long enough to make something meaningful out of the chaos. I’ve been told the “zoom out to 10k ft” instinct is a learned act of early self-rescue from kidhood. Pretty sure mine traces back to sprinting home barefoot through woods full of bears at age four like some tiny feral squirrel with a fear of sleepovers. 😂 ❤️
I went through some similar shit in the music biz, and I can say that I did NOT handle it with as much grace and humor as you did! Inspirational and a great reminder to lighten the fuck up, because good work will prevail. PS: "Emotionally volatile porn side pieces" is basically a category of Goop clothing now ;)
Ghaaagh!!! Cackling at the Goop clothing category! I can actually see Gwyneth speaking the words in hushed tones straight to the camera in her "dappled in sunlight," architecturally significant kitchen... Lol. And the music industry has to be just bonkers. I don't know how anyone manages. Hoo boy! 😂
Amazing story! I love how quick your turn-around was. That’s badass! Thanks for the laugh, especially the architecturally significant kitchens and the ankle facials. 😂
Oh, Julie! Thanks for reading. Your opinion means everything! I miss writing so much! Now, I just gotta go catch up on all our manuscripts! 😂
Oh my god I think I love you Alisa. I am sorry for the pores in your arsehole and I hope someone gave Virgil a puffer, but for all that this must have been excruciating to experience, my god I enjoyed reading it.
Oh, Emily!!! I love YOU for even reading about the silly pores in my arsehole! 😂
Hollywood IS excruciating—I would never recommend it to any sensitive soul who likes to bake, knit, or read. Just let them option your book, run very far away, and write another one quickly!
Do not be seduced by the ANKLES! 😂
I will do my best not to be seduced, my own perimenopausal ankles that have swollen up like startled puffer fish in this early heart wave we’re having in the UK, would die of shame!
Oh, gosh! I had those very same ankles on a set, and everyone could see them! I called them my Miss Piggy ankles, and I wanted to run away to the country and hide in shame. Then ten years later, capris were mine again! It will happen! 😂
Henceforth, I will call them my Miss Piggy ankles too. It lends them a kind of gravitas, I think! 😘
🤣🤣 I love that song. 🤣🤣
Me too. I usually get something more like Freddie Mercury singing his very loud 1978 hit “Bicycle Race.” 🤣 So, at least it was Carly?
Special place in hell for those types. They were the ones who pulled legs off ants and shot cats with BB guns when they were little and no one punished them. You rock, girl, and keep writing! If that ass doesn’t like you, someone else will.
Oh. My. God. Squared. Cubed. Whatever's bigger than cubed.
At first, because, who hasn't accidentally sent the email to the wrong person? Or the text? Or someone overheard you because you butt dialled their number and now they know the intimate details of your conversation with your gyno?
But that he did it ON PURPOSE? Why of COURSE he did!
And that, Charlie Brown, is the true story of how men rule the world by fucking over women whenever they get the chance.
Sigh.
P.S. I'd cast Emma Stone. She can pull off funny and dark :)
Quite a serendipitous (and entertaining) pairing with Kimberly's observations and a re-affirmation that without a sense of humor we are all fairly well screwed!
Omg- you are so, so funny. Just such a great scene- “you are nothing!” Ha! Love your writing! The hair pencil, the awareness of the absurdity of it all! I was a runner up for a Disney Fellowship (comedy) and was told they would call for a very important interview. I answered my phone and heard, “What are you wearing?” And froze. Nothing funny or spontaneous or remotely human issued from my mouth. Needless to say, I was not chosen. You should have your own studio.
Oh my goodness, Molly! First: holy cats. Coming from you, that’s such an honor. Thank you!
I never get to be funny anymore because I’m usually wandering around worrying about all our authors and their books like an exhausted Victorian governess. It’s honestly a joy to actually write a story again.
And I didn’t even know there was a Disney Comedy Fellowship... though, if we’re being honest, they’re not exactly batting a thousand over there in the comedy department lately. I’m certain I would completely freeze on that call.
“What are you wearing?”
Excuse me, sir? What kind of deeply unsettling corporate HR violation question is this?? I’m wearing my work pajamas, thank you very much. And holding a pencil for authority. 😂
Also, OMG, I could never run my own studio. I simply do not have the ankles for executive leadership!
So, so funny. Too good for those narrow brained illiterates. Better than Larry BUT women aren’t funny. Not enough dick jokes. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Good God, Lemon. This almost gave me sympathy diarrhea. Incredible story!!!
Ghaaaagh!!! Donaghy!!! I have so many comments for your recent tales! Stay tuned! 😂