One of my besties. I mentioned her text in my current TST post. Her comment was so apropos of her and how well she knows me (better than my family, apparently). I'm stealing this word.
This question has been nagging me since first coming across it very late last night. It's been far too long since I've felt grokked. Most importantly, I haven't really grokked myself and it's felt like I'm going through the motions.
That's starting to change in a huge way and it feels like I'm coming back to life after a really rough 20 years.
I used to use to term grok with flare. It struck me last night/this morning that it's been absent in my vocabulary. I guess I'm starting to grok myself. Don't know if that's cheating but it feels like a necessary first step.
It's so interesting that you mention this. I have always used the term with great flare and zest when talking about others and not used it self referentially over the last ten+ years because they've been so rough, but the other day I was snapping selfies of my healing for the GoFundMe--since I had a comment that I needed to do more of that kind of thing--and I looked at one of them and for the first time in ages, I thought... "Huh, I really grok that girl--whether she's combed her hair or not!" Lol. And so I say, huzzah! to you grokking yourself... esp. if it's a first step toward feeling that internal, eudaimonic happiness... which I think is super important to cultivate however we can in this crazy, alienating world.
A last thought for now. Eudaimonic happiness can be so hard to hang onto when you suffer a disability. So much of our sense of meaning seems to come from our professional lives or from doing things, not being something. I when I first got seriously ill, I dove deep into counseling with a health psychologist. It saved me. The ensuing 20 years, often filled with struggle, wore away more of what I had built up in the way of self esteem and regard than I realized.
For the last two years I've been going through a rediscovery of my self worth. Self-worth in the face of a disability, shame, and the resulting C-PTSD. Time to thrive.
Eudaimomic - "happiness achieved through experiences meaning and purpose." Why has this word been absent from my vocabulary until today? I wish you could see the smile I have right now. And now I'm tearing. Thank you! I really needed this, much more than I realized.
Most recently, my rescue dog that is getting so much praise and recognition lately (today, yesterday and the day before) for just being a fantastic hard luck success story.
Only dog at the park with 100% recall. A deer jumped out of the bushes 30 or so feet from him. I was 100 feet away. Recalled without hesitation and this dog was a project. It feels like he does it because I've shown him stability, kindness, affection and I don't just give commands to give commands. He just likes being together and playing with me and apparently that's more appealing than chasing a deer. I think he feels like I grok him too.
I just woke up again from surgery, and so am on the wackiest sleep schedule. (But yay to feeling normal-ish. It's the best.) Of course, intra-species grokking makes total sense with a rescue pup. You're his human! He needs to look after you as much as you give him the structure and affection. Up at my dad's ranch, we have this one chicken, a little French hen called Needy. One day, a bear ate all the chickens. She was the sole survivor. Alone, up in the rafters of the garage. After the incident, she would only lay these tiny, impossible-to-crack little eggs, which I accidentally used in the Thanksgiving pumpkin pies that turned out to be total trauma pies and didn't work. (We had to make extra) But now, she's just like a dog. She HAS to be with you wherever you go... out in the garden, having breakfast, or if you're cooking, or doing the dishes, she is there. Protecting us from bears. Being protected. We grok Needy.
That show is on my list to watch for sure (a list which is growing by the day). I felt “groked” this week. I work remotely and go into the office when I can and my coworkers made me feel so groke when I went in last week and this week. They just get me and they’re always so happy to see me. Fills me with gratitude.
I totally get this. As writers, we're work remotely so much, but if/when your show gets staffed and you have a real writers room and team to break story with, do notes with, and read-throughs together... it's ALL gratitude, especially after the pandemic and then the strike. Nonstop grokking to see people :)
Great word. Hubby Groked me two days ago. He had my Good Humor business cards printed for me then surprised me with a GH baseball cap. I was so touched I cried. I’m sure my ma was thinking, “How ‘bout some jewelry, a Van Cleef clover necklace.” Why do people with money think everyone around them has money? The $9 cap was thoughtful but it’s the love and support I treasure.
Oh, I love this sooooooooo much because it shows so much thought and care for what you truly love. What a gem! It is funny how people with money do tend to put the blinders on and pretend we're all Rockefellers. It's just more comfortable for them. But Van Cleef will always be there for when you require fancy baubles for a special event or anniversary. Luckily, there's The Real Real, Poshmark, and Rent the Runway for normies like the rest of us :)
GROK is so important, and even though I hate the sound of the word I greatly respect its meaning. I think it's actually a 2-way street, and that we are all responsible for helping others grok us. We can't expect to be groked if we don't allow people to see and feel who we truly are. But ya gotta choose wisely, or it's a great big black hole! I feel it with my longtime friends ( this year I'm going to celebrate GALENTINE'S DAY (feb 13th) very hard, cause I love my girls so much!), and especially my hubz, who came into my life later but somehow seems understand just about all of my history, flaws, foibles and strengths. My pet theory is that artists make the grok process both easier and harder than anyone else, because we create from a place of deep, rivering vulnerability that flows through us at all times, but that can also confuse the wrong person into thinking they truly know us.
I love the way you write about this and think there's great wisdom in it. But it's funny... grok... though such a guttural, ugly-sounding word... is one I've most often reserved for the women in my life who are not romantic partners but my decades-long sisters-in-arms. I'm like "Mer really groks me," lol... I can show up guttural and imperfect with her. And I do agree as artists, that we SO long to be understood, we often make ourselves vulnerable to those might not have our best interests at heart and so in this, we have to be extra mindful. I am SO down for GALENTINES, btw. Plans are afoot as soon as I am out of surgery today.
Hope your surgery goes well! Gals are just everything, and when we finally get our cronetopia commune dialed in, we should make it our official holiday, complete with a great big festival and feast!
I think the word is too gutteral to personify its meaning, so I can't match it up with a moment,. That being said a man I was having an affair with gave me one of my fav horses, so he got me on that level
It IS an ugly, unlikely word with all its hard sounds and such an oppositional meaning--I think that's why I was drawn to it. Oh, but to be gifted a horse. That is a bestial, grok-level feeling.
When I was going through a lit community drama online, my papa got me The Last of Us II game when it released (and I was going to watch the gameplay...what a fool), and it made life less stressful. :') I love that you got grokked, and I hope you keep getting grokked!
Ohhhhhh!!!! The Last of Us II is (imho) a masterwork of art... I get so swept up. I love that you had that to distract you from whatever online lit drama was happening. That someone understands how to help us with our various "steam valves of stress" is not to be taken for granted. We all need those people in our lives. Again, most of my "grok" moments are small and with my girlfriends, but growing older has only made me appreciate them so much more. :)
It truly is! I was replaying it again last week for the third or fourth time at this point. I cried harder than I ever had. The floodgates of tears just flooded the whole apartment. Often my dad and I would gift each other video games when we would be going through something. :') Small grok moments can be so meaningful. I'm glad you have friends who are there by your side and grokking you! What a strange word, but with such a lovely meaning. <3
Indeed. Also... If you love the world of narrative video game design and true friends grokking each other, the most beautiful book I read last year was Gabrielle Zevin's "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow" https://gabriellezevin.com/tomorrowx3/
I wept over these characters because, as a reader, you come to know them over 30 years and you just want to keep them in your life... always.
One of my besties. I mentioned her text in my current TST post. Her comment was so apropos of her and how well she knows me (better than my family, apparently). I'm stealing this word.
Please do! It's a great word... esp. for besties.
This question has been nagging me since first coming across it very late last night. It's been far too long since I've felt grokked. Most importantly, I haven't really grokked myself and it's felt like I'm going through the motions.
That's starting to change in a huge way and it feels like I'm coming back to life after a really rough 20 years.
I used to use to term grok with flare. It struck me last night/this morning that it's been absent in my vocabulary. I guess I'm starting to grok myself. Don't know if that's cheating but it feels like a necessary first step.
It's so interesting that you mention this. I have always used the term with great flare and zest when talking about others and not used it self referentially over the last ten+ years because they've been so rough, but the other day I was snapping selfies of my healing for the GoFundMe--since I had a comment that I needed to do more of that kind of thing--and I looked at one of them and for the first time in ages, I thought... "Huh, I really grok that girl--whether she's combed her hair or not!" Lol. And so I say, huzzah! to you grokking yourself... esp. if it's a first step toward feeling that internal, eudaimonic happiness... which I think is super important to cultivate however we can in this crazy, alienating world.
This makes me so happy for you. It is what I would wish for everyone I care about.
A last thought for now. Eudaimonic happiness can be so hard to hang onto when you suffer a disability. So much of our sense of meaning seems to come from our professional lives or from doing things, not being something. I when I first got seriously ill, I dove deep into counseling with a health psychologist. It saved me. The ensuing 20 years, often filled with struggle, wore away more of what I had built up in the way of self esteem and regard than I realized.
For the last two years I've been going through a rediscovery of my self worth. Self-worth in the face of a disability, shame, and the resulting C-PTSD. Time to thrive.
Agree. They def take their toll. That's why this Stack has been so important to me :)
Me too. But, goodness, the storm here just broke. Finally blue skies over the city :)
Eudaimomic - "happiness achieved through experiences meaning and purpose." Why has this word been absent from my vocabulary until today? I wish you could see the smile I have right now. And now I'm tearing. Thank you! I really needed this, much more than I realized.
Most recently, my rescue dog that is getting so much praise and recognition lately (today, yesterday and the day before) for just being a fantastic hard luck success story.
Only dog at the park with 100% recall. A deer jumped out of the bushes 30 or so feet from him. I was 100 feet away. Recalled without hesitation and this dog was a project. It feels like he does it because I've shown him stability, kindness, affection and I don't just give commands to give commands. He just likes being together and playing with me and apparently that's more appealing than chasing a deer. I think he feels like I grok him too.
I just woke up again from surgery, and so am on the wackiest sleep schedule. (But yay to feeling normal-ish. It's the best.) Of course, intra-species grokking makes total sense with a rescue pup. You're his human! He needs to look after you as much as you give him the structure and affection. Up at my dad's ranch, we have this one chicken, a little French hen called Needy. One day, a bear ate all the chickens. She was the sole survivor. Alone, up in the rafters of the garage. After the incident, she would only lay these tiny, impossible-to-crack little eggs, which I accidentally used in the Thanksgiving pumpkin pies that turned out to be total trauma pies and didn't work. (We had to make extra) But now, she's just like a dog. She HAS to be with you wherever you go... out in the garden, having breakfast, or if you're cooking, or doing the dishes, she is there. Protecting us from bears. Being protected. We grok Needy.
In several ways, Needy is a very lucky chicken! So glad to hear you're recovering. Not sure why I'm up.
That show is on my list to watch for sure (a list which is growing by the day). I felt “groked” this week. I work remotely and go into the office when I can and my coworkers made me feel so groke when I went in last week and this week. They just get me and they’re always so happy to see me. Fills me with gratitude.
I totally get this. As writers, we're work remotely so much, but if/when your show gets staffed and you have a real writers room and team to break story with, do notes with, and read-throughs together... it's ALL gratitude, especially after the pandemic and then the strike. Nonstop grokking to see people :)
Great word. Hubby Groked me two days ago. He had my Good Humor business cards printed for me then surprised me with a GH baseball cap. I was so touched I cried. I’m sure my ma was thinking, “How ‘bout some jewelry, a Van Cleef clover necklace.” Why do people with money think everyone around them has money? The $9 cap was thoughtful but it’s the love and support I treasure.
Oh, I love this sooooooooo much because it shows so much thought and care for what you truly love. What a gem! It is funny how people with money do tend to put the blinders on and pretend we're all Rockefellers. It's just more comfortable for them. But Van Cleef will always be there for when you require fancy baubles for a special event or anniversary. Luckily, there's The Real Real, Poshmark, and Rent the Runway for normies like the rest of us :)
Out of curiosity I looked up the price of a used VC clover necklace on the Real Real. 40k!!
Yikes!!! Well, it's a good thing feeling like someone groks you is kind of priceless and immaterial :)
GROK is so important, and even though I hate the sound of the word I greatly respect its meaning. I think it's actually a 2-way street, and that we are all responsible for helping others grok us. We can't expect to be groked if we don't allow people to see and feel who we truly are. But ya gotta choose wisely, or it's a great big black hole! I feel it with my longtime friends ( this year I'm going to celebrate GALENTINE'S DAY (feb 13th) very hard, cause I love my girls so much!), and especially my hubz, who came into my life later but somehow seems understand just about all of my history, flaws, foibles and strengths. My pet theory is that artists make the grok process both easier and harder than anyone else, because we create from a place of deep, rivering vulnerability that flows through us at all times, but that can also confuse the wrong person into thinking they truly know us.
I love the way you write about this and think there's great wisdom in it. But it's funny... grok... though such a guttural, ugly-sounding word... is one I've most often reserved for the women in my life who are not romantic partners but my decades-long sisters-in-arms. I'm like "Mer really groks me," lol... I can show up guttural and imperfect with her. And I do agree as artists, that we SO long to be understood, we often make ourselves vulnerable to those might not have our best interests at heart and so in this, we have to be extra mindful. I am SO down for GALENTINES, btw. Plans are afoot as soon as I am out of surgery today.
Hope your surgery goes well! Gals are just everything, and when we finally get our cronetopia commune dialed in, we should make it our official holiday, complete with a great big festival and feast!
I think the word is too gutteral to personify its meaning, so I can't match it up with a moment,. That being said a man I was having an affair with gave me one of my fav horses, so he got me on that level
It IS an ugly, unlikely word with all its hard sounds and such an oppositional meaning--I think that's why I was drawn to it. Oh, but to be gifted a horse. That is a bestial, grok-level feeling.
When I was going through a lit community drama online, my papa got me The Last of Us II game when it released (and I was going to watch the gameplay...what a fool), and it made life less stressful. :') I love that you got grokked, and I hope you keep getting grokked!
Ohhhhhh!!!! The Last of Us II is (imho) a masterwork of art... I get so swept up. I love that you had that to distract you from whatever online lit drama was happening. That someone understands how to help us with our various "steam valves of stress" is not to be taken for granted. We all need those people in our lives. Again, most of my "grok" moments are small and with my girlfriends, but growing older has only made me appreciate them so much more. :)
It truly is! I was replaying it again last week for the third or fourth time at this point. I cried harder than I ever had. The floodgates of tears just flooded the whole apartment. Often my dad and I would gift each other video games when we would be going through something. :') Small grok moments can be so meaningful. I'm glad you have friends who are there by your side and grokking you! What a strange word, but with such a lovely meaning. <3
Indeed. Also... If you love the world of narrative video game design and true friends grokking each other, the most beautiful book I read last year was Gabrielle Zevin's "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow" https://gabriellezevin.com/tomorrowx3/
I wept over these characters because, as a reader, you come to know them over 30 years and you just want to keep them in your life... always.
Oh my gosh, thank you for the recommendation. Must read asap!