Thursday Thread: Your Greatest Comeback of All Time? 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 😂
Witty and wisecracking reader, we know you've got a sharp tongue!
Welcome to the Fall Free-for-All ~ Get 30% Off One Year!
gotham girl is a newsletter for curious readers 🗞. If you love it, why not consider supporting it? For less than a fancy coffee a month, you’ll gain access to all my articles, Thursday threads, Sunday columns, and virtual events, including The Writer’s Room. Upgrade now to support independent publishing and neurodiverse women in Film and TV! Offer valid thru 10/31/24.
Hello, Lovelies, How the hell are you?
Here’s a story for you… Truman Capote was once dining out with Tennessee Williams when a woman approached their table and asked him to sign her belly button. Capote obliged, but the woman’s drunk husband wasn’t so happy. He stormed over, unzipped his trousers, pulled out his junk, and said, “How’d you like to autograph this?” Capote scoffed, “Well, I don’t know if I can autograph it, but perhaps I could initial it.”
You practically can hear the line rolling off his tongue in his hallmark simpering drawl. But there’s a rule in comedy—if it’s fast, it’s funny. Capote’s quip has too many syllables. Too many loose vowels. If you were writing it for an actor, it’s almost too easy to flub. And all those takes cost money.
My favorite comebacks are the ones that take things a bit too literally and involve a “Why not?” For example:
The scene: Me, wrestling with a mugger over my purse. Things are getting sweaty!
ME: You can’t have this purse!!!
MUGGER (peak frustration): Why NOT?!?
ME: It doesn't GO with your OUTFIT!
Or that involve an alarming statement of fact or opinion:
“Ugh, I’m not kissing him! His lips have seen more pussy than a toilet seat.”
OR, that go that extra mile with “profane poetry”—the way that shows like Peep Show or Succession always managed to do:
“You don’t hear much about syphilis these days. Very much the Myspace of STDs.”
—Tom on Sandy Furness’s health issues.
But what about you? What’s your best pithy zinger or comeback ever? (And why? What’s the scoop behind it?) Or maybe you have a favorite from film or TV culture???
Don’t be shy… Yours in swear words & wit - xoxo - gotham girl
PS - I am a human typo. Amnesty appreciated.
And now, a word from our sponsor…
These cannabis gummies keep selling out!
Just 1 can get you feeling right within 5 minutes! Get 20% off your order.
One of my maybe? best comebacks is one I wrote for a character in my short story "The Burglar"-- tell me what you think, lovely: A woman asks her husband why they didn't make love that morning. "So how many men do you think got an offer like that this morning?”
He’d sat for a while and then said, “In the world or the U.S.?” She had not answered. She was still angry from the morning rebuff even though she’d believed she’d deserved it.
He’d continued, “In the U.S., there are about 250 million people. Half are male—that’s 125 million. Half of those are children or geezers—that leaves 62 million. Suppose one percent got the same offer this morning—that’s 620,000 guys. Most of them are married and turned it down.”
There was a line at Hurry Curry, the Indian place that used to be on the corner. It was rare there was a line. And, if there was one, and you were new, that gave you time to decide what you wanted. (It was served from a hot table; only naan and a few other specialties were made to order.) This middle-aged dude in front of me kept saying, "Man, this line is moving slow. I can't believe there's such a line," and on and on he would blather. I wouldn't engage in conversation, so he would greet each person behind me with his same "Some line, huh" sh!t. Anyway, we finally get to the front, he takes forever to order, then his card is declined. Once again, he has to note how long everything is taking, and I lose it. "And you've made it seem even longer with your constant play-by-play of the line, going on and on about how long it is and how slow it's moving. If you expect your meal to be quick, order from Dominos or hit Taco Bell. But you would wait just as long at any restaurant. Think the Thai place across the street is any faster? (For the record, it ain't.) But we don't need to hear you rambling on and on about it." He said, "I'm sorry if I ruined your evening," and I said, "I'm sorry if I described you accurately!" The entire queue went silent. I made my order (chicken curry and aloo gobi), which was packaged up promptly (they loved me there; if they saw me crossing the street, they'd have my meal ready when I walked in the door). I paid, tipped and was out the door, smiling. I love accuracy. xo